chrislebrun.com

Now that the federal government is done debriefing me after my trip last weekend, let me take a minute to share my thoughts with you about some of my experiences in Canada, or “the apartment above the party” as Craig Ferguson depicted Canada at the White House Press Corps Dinner.  He begged them to “come to the party Canada.  They’re like ‘We weren’t invited.’  We’re like, ‘Mexico wasn’t invited and they came.  Come to the party!’”  

This wasn’t my first trip to Canada but each time I go I am struck by the thought that it’s almost like a whole other country up there.  I came away with some questions and some observations but very few answers.  Here’s what I came away with:

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It’s easy to see how you might think the title of this blog could refer to the results of my regular trips to the gym (don’t worry, I’ve got a permit for these guns!) but I don’t need to toot my own horn.  That said, it’s pretty cool how I can flex one peck at a time — although my left one seems bigger but I hear that phenomenon may be common.

No, this entry is about buying food in bulk.  For the record my wife hates Sam’s Club.  To be honest I just tune her out when she starts going off on the gluttony of America, blah, blah, blah.  She admits Sam’s has good prices and we’ve shopped there about once a month (up until about 6 months ago when our membership ran out) but we limited our purchases there to the essentials:  90 trash bags for $17.37, 40-count Apple & Eve brand Sesame Street juice boxes for $8.62, and 40-count Trojan latex condoms for $9.57.  Then again maybe she’s right about the evils of excess — I mean who needs that many trash bags.

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Voltaire said that “Poetry is the music of the soul . . . “  I may not know who Voltaire is or exactly what this means but I do know that poetry is  some thing that cultured people read.  In an attempt to bring a little culture to chrislebrun.com here is a poem.  It is a haiku that was heard on Monday’s Tony Kornheiser Show. 

Haiku are simple
But sometimes they don’t make sense
Refrigerator

Recently I was talking to a group of people and I was recounting to them the time, back in 1997, when I was asked at the last minute by the New England Patriots to join their Superbowl team to play against the Green Bay Packers.  I remember running onto that field, with tens of thousands of fans in the stands, and millions of people in TV land, cheering for us and screaming my name. 

To those people I was talking to, I’m sorry.  I mispoke.  I just watched the Superbowl on TV.  It was a “misstatement” and a “minor blip” in my campaign to be an logical and intelligent human being.

What was that, you say?  You’re right — this does sound similar to a “misstatement” by Hillary Clinton about a visit to Bosnia in which she recalled “landing under sniper fire. There was supposed to be some kind of a greeting ceremony at the airport, but instead we just ran with our heads down to get into the vehicles to get to our base.”

I’m not sure how I could have misspoken about something so memorable as playing in the Superbowl.  Clearly, I’m not someone who can be trusted or placed in a position of prominent leadership because of this. 

A Belgian writer now admits her story about surviving the Holocaust as a child after her parents were murdered by the Nazis is not true.  In the story, which she describes by saying “It is mine.  It is not actually reality, but my reality, my way of surviving,” she is adopted and raised by a pack of wolves following her parents murder.

And there, boys and girls, is how you know the story is bogus.  Everyone knows wolves can’t legally adopt.  They have made fabulous foster parents in the past but because they can’t sign the paperwork (no opposable thumb) they can’t adopt.  Our lesson: any story about adoptive wolves — fake!

Economists can argue all they want about whether or not we’re in a recession, a slowdown, downturn (I love those mints they leave on your pillow — wait, that’s a “turn down”) or what have you.  I know the real reason.  It’s the blooming election.

I was doing some research for the paper I should be writing instead of this post and was amazed to read some of the amounts raised already during this election.  Last week it was reported that Hillary Clinton had raised some $35 million while Barack Obama brought in $50 million.  Open Secrets.org reports that the total raised for all candidates in 2007 was over $500 million.  That’s half a billion (with a B) in case you’re not good with big numbers.

Recession mystery solved.

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Obviously Sunday is a slow TV day now that there’s no football.  Maybe that’s the reason I found myself watching the Daytona 500.  The whole Daytona 500.  In fact, I even paused the race while I ran out to get pizza for supper.  And I’m a little embarrassed to admit that I kinda liked it.

And come on, it is Daytona — and while I have no real love for the sport (yet) everyone understands how big Daytona is.  On top of that, it’s the 50th Daytona, making it all the more special.  I read this week that Daytona is NASCAR’sSuperbowl and World Series all wrapped in to one — someone ought to tell those simple southern folk at NASCAR that those events are at the end of the season.  Don’t, as Pat Benatar would say, “hit me with your best shot” right off the bat.  Make us wait for it.

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Well, THAT sucked!

I’m talking of course about Superbowl XLII– or as I like to call it, the “Almost Super Bowl And Who Still Uses Roman Numerals Anyway?”  But time has passed, I’ve stopped crying like a ten-year boy (hey wait, that was after Superbowl XX) and now I can talk about it.  Don’t worry, I’m not going to make excuses.  The Giants did exactly what they had to do — put pressure on Tom Brady.  They did it and did it well.  For his part, Brady only looked like Brady during that last drive in the 4th quarter.  In fact, I said to my friend who’s a Giants fan, “We’ve got you exactly where we want you!”  And obviously Brady did what Brady does — he just did it too well because there was too much time left on the clock. 

Oh ya, and the Patriots defense couldn’t tackle Eli and Tyree had Mighty Putty on his helmet.

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I’m sure all 3 of you know by now that I’ve been reprimanded by Jeff Cutler from the Bowl of Cheese blog.  Wait, you all haven’t been keeping up with the comments posted on my blog?  I was SURE that my faithfuls would be diligently reading the ads for poker, Canadian drugs, and “member” enlargers in the almost two months since I last posted an entry.  I’ve been so negligent in my duties as a blogger that I haven’t even taken the time to delete the ads of these interlopers except once or twice.  But now that Jeff has publicly called me out, I must make my (triumphant) return to the blogosphere.

Actually, I was waiting for a reason to return (thanks Jeff) because I had really run out of excuses.  What with the election, the Patriots, Britney, and everything else that’s happened, it’s like where do I start? So here is my run-down of the latest current events:

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Check out this public service announcement from Canada.  Can you imagine seeing this on U.S. television?  If you ask me, this is better than 10 Superbowl commercials! Oh, Canada, indeed!